Finding out I had cancer certainly was not on my 2024 bingo card. Of course, to be fair, that’s not exactly something that a normal person would actively wish for either. I was diagnosed in June. I know for a fact that I will never forget that date. It was the day before my wedding anniversary. And we were looking forward to a night out to decompress. As a household, we were already under medical high alert. My oldest had been dealing with GI issues for several months, and then I discover a lump. Add in some relatively shitty health insurance, the household was TIRED. So in accordance with Murphy’s Law – it really does track that a cancer diagnosis would arrive when it did.

Getting through July and August was challenging. I waited out the time frame to a double mastectomy. It seems easier now than it did then. I really just stayed focused on being the healthiest I could be and upping my running time. Getting THROUGH a double mastectomy was a different story altogether. The grieving is real. I had read that you would grieve, and I did. I had read that you would feel physically and emotionally tapped, and I did. I had read that you feel lonely, and I did. And I had read about the conflict you would feel about the inevitability of Pink October.

Encouraging early screening and preventative healthcare – good. Pink everything and ribbons everywhere (from pinkwashed organizations) – not so good. As a community activist, I had been educated previously on whitewashing and greenwashing. But pinkwashing was a new concept to me. Seeing that fucking ribbon everywhere with no sincerity behind it? Just – what the shit? But seeing the ribbon everywhere wore down on me through October. Companies still use toxic carcinogens. They do not funnel their fundraising campaigns to patients. By the end of the month I was declining offers to round up the change by declaring I was hosting cancer this year. I got many a shocked face at that one. I rounded out October by hiding in my house and judging companies like 3M, Ford, and Susan G Komen. Okay, I know that last one seems off, but seriously! Look at their fundraising practices!! Patients are NOT being supported.

Where did I find grace though? Work. Of all places, right? I was lucky because my job was supportive. They went out of their way to ask if promotion of the pink was okay. They fact checked, had patience, and acknowledged that support shows up in different ways. There was sincerity there, and it was obvious. True sincerity and compassion of my colleagues kept me upright through October.

It kept me from crying every day because I couldn’t GET AWAY from cancer. That sincerity had me look back at October with less dread and allowed me a cleansing breath headed into November. This group of gals is spread out across the United States. They managed to show me grace during a month when I didn’t want to receive or give any. And they weren’t even physically near me. But …. I gave what I got. And thank goodness I got. Grace has never been my strongest trait. Good thing I have some good examples around me! Go forth and locate the grace in around you, and give what you get, friends. It might save you a little bit in the long run. Who around you has shown you what grace means?

My forever disclaimer: Get screened. It could save your life.